the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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