phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
