we have pet lesbian snakes
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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