Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
