omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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