dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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