How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
