thus making me awesome and them whores
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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