So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
