i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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