I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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