Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
