I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize