Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
