All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
