Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
