the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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