In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
