thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
