i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
