Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
