Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
