haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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