Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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