sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
