No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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