Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize