I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
