Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
