I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
