I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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