i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
