I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
