i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Found the puke drawer
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
