I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize