There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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