Barsexuality is the new black.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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