planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
