I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
