When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
