Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
