so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
