so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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