end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize