you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
