I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
