Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize