oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
