Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
