i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
