I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
