I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
