his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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