dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
