apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
