I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
only if we run a train.
done.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
