He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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