I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize