Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
