Im at strip club and am horny
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
