dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
