Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
