I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
