You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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