The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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