I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
