She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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