My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
