you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
