just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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