Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
