Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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