I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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