East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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