you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
