I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
