it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize