The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
