chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
