Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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