I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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