I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
