turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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