the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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