one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
