i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
