her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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