There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
