mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
