she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
