If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
