We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
