I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
