grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
