white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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