What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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