There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
