I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
