How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
