There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
