I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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