The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
