it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
