All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What a dumb baby whore.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
