We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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