Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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