then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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