Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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