CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
