I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize