Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
