you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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