Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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