That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
