my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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