my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
don't judge my taste in strippers
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
