The best revenge is premature balding
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize