I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
