I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize