Can i not drive my cunt home
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
