he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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