I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
