well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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