In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
as a side note pls kill me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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