I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
