his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
