When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
