i think my tv is drunk
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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